Voiceful 9th
Voiceful 9th
(Original Voiceful from Nawoko)
~~~~~~~~
Hina was sighing on the couch. She was hardly able to do anything once more. She was missing Kanae again, but that was different from before. She understood in which way she loved her. It was comforting her a little to be in love, but mostly worrying her. She had a few days left to wait before they would see each other. Hina was planning to invite her to a nice place she knew, and there she could talk about everything.
She wanted to tell many things to her friend Kanae, if not everything. She wanted to share her past, and reassure herself about her own future. Planning the date was already done ten times, easily, but she couldn’t stop over thinking about it.
When she recalled the kiss she gave, she started to blush shamefully, even if Hiru wasn’t around. It had been a strange day, and she had conveyed a lot of feelings through it, but it was still uneasy for her. Even if most friends she could see around in town were kissing each other all the time, she was not the kind of person for whom it was easy and meaningless. And Kanae was probably the same as her... Hina could recall that Kanae had said she loved her... It was before they started to know each other in a more casual way, but it was still bringing a nice feeling within Hina.
Hina thought that Kanae’s love was probably different at first, but now, they probably liked each other in a similar way. She hoped that was the case at least. She was probably being possessive, as she knew she could be, but she was hoping Kanae would feel the same way and stay linked with her.
Hina stretched and started to get back to work, but stopped suddenly. She realised something that gave her a lot of confidence. Kanae, and her life outside coming back, it was similar to herself and her work as a singer. Hina had been afraid that Kanae would go more and more in the outside world and leave her, but that would be the same as herself only working, leaving Kanae be. She was working, but she was not forgetting Kanae; so Kanae going outside would not mean there would be less room for Hina.
While thinking about it, Hina had to work a lot more than usual before the radio show, and they could not see each other during that time. It had been hard for both of them she thought... In the end, things had only been improving and evolving, but Hina could guess how Kanae had felt during that time too. She would apologise for it too.
Day after day, Hina only found more and more things she wanted to talk about with Kanae. She wanted to share a large part of her life with her; her hopes and desires only growing with time.
~~~~~~~~
Kanae managed to do the full week in school. Even if her anxiety was still around and inside her, she did it. The outside and the school were some kind of faraway reality were she had to hold her breath as long as possible. It was an uneasy sport, but she was getting used to it somehow.
Every single day, Hina’s voice was cheering for her, it was always helping her to walk and breath.
The school days were strange movies to her, that didn’t seemed to be quite real, but at least, she could now see through it completely.
Reality was weird, like life was painful. Kanae was feeling different in the end of each day. She was able to go through much more difficult things than before, because she had a light, her goddess voice, to help her. Without Hina, she would maybe have not been ever able to go through that. She could not know what the present would be if the past had been different, but one thing was sure. It was Hina.
In her life, the place Hina had became greater each time. Kanae’s will and strength grew with it, in the same way, at the same times, and it kept rising slowly.
On one of the last evening before the weekend, Kanae thought about it and couldn’t help but touch her cheek slowly. Remembering the kiss, she thought about it and felt something had not rose slowly with that. It was love. Hina loved her, surely not in the same way, but loved her. Kanae was still thinking about it, but couldn’t guess what the future would be. Future was still too far away.
~~~~~~~~
The fateful day arrived, and Hina was waiting for Kanae at the train station. She was ready to go. She was ready to speak to her.
Kanae arrived soon after, with her usual outside dress. Still, Hina could tell she had done her best to look pretty, for her, only for her...
They greeted each other as usual, and then went to the train Hina chose. When they were inside, Kanae held her handbag tighter when she saw she had to sit next to Hina. She would have preferred to sit in front of her, but there was no choice there. She breezed and sat.
The way would be long. Hina could feel her worry, but it would worth it, for both of them. After a short while, Hina asked Kanae if she could take her hand.
Hi«- Do you mind ?
Ka- Oh, no...
Hina didn’t wait and slowly grabbed the anxious hand within her own. She gave a large smile in compensation for it. Kanae didn’t looked away when this close smile was offered to her. Some of her shyness was too busy somewhere else and she enjoyed the moment.
Hi- I’m so glad that you were able to make the whole week. I knew you would succeed, but it’s a happy feeling nonetheless.
Ka- Thank you... I owe it to you, and I feel... Well, it was so different from before, I’m still not sure about everything I feel regarding school, and everything outside.
Hi- I understand. It’s new, but still, it’s good, right ?
Kanae thought seriously about it. She showed a smile to Hina.
Ka- Yes.»
Kanae held the hand back and started to feel better. She was trusting Hina, no matter where they were going.
~~~~~~~~
They left the train in the middle of nowhere, in campaign. Kanae could not see any town nearby. Hina pointed a way with her free hand toward a nearby forest, telling her the place was just behind. They were alone, and the train gone, it was almost silent. Kanae felt altogether lost and in peace, in this landscape full of greenery.
They walked calmly together on a well defined trail, soon through the small forest.
Ka«- I think it’s the first time I see so much green...
Hi- Really ? I thought that you were not used to campaign, but that much ?
Ka- Yes. I don’t have any memory of a place like that. And it was not much far from the city ? It feels a bit unrealistic, but I like the calm.
Hi- That’s what I thought too. Here, come see.
Behind the last trees was a small touristic area surrounding a lake. It was empty and the shops were closed, but everything was bright and welcoming. Hina’s smile was well fitting on the landscape somehow.
Hi- I thought that a lake would be more calm and soothing than a beach, and I know this peaceful place. I thought you might enjoy it.
Kanae kept walking because Hina was holding her hand, otherwise she would probably have stopped before. She was feeling fine, but losing her ability to think straight. She ended pulling Hina.
Ka- Wait... Please, I need a moment.»
They went to sit on a close bench, facing the lake. Kanae was looking ahead, trying to puzzle her mind back together. Hina gave her the time to do so, patiently.
After a moment, Kanae’s face suddenly changed, as if she was waking up. She was feeling better.
Hi«- It was too quick, right ?
Ka- A bit. But I feel better, and I like it.
Hi- You’re doing better each day. Soon, you won’t need me anymore.
Ka- What ?
Hina was looking at the lake too, enjoying the scenery.
Hi- I wanted to talk to you about that mostly, our relationship.
Ka- I love you...
Hina was a little surprised but could recognise Kanae there.
Hi- I love you too Kanae, but I would like to be sure about the way you love me.
Ka- The way ?
Hina turned toward Kanae and grabbed both her hands in hers.
Hi- I’ve fallen for you Kanae. I want to be with you from now on. I want to be your lover, no matter our works, present and future.
Ka- Is that a proposal ?
Hina looked embarrassed. Kanae was just surprised.
Hi- Kinda... But your love for me was mostly for my voice, at first. What do you think your love for me is becoming ? I’m a little anxious about that. I fear that once you’ll be completely fine, you will just... Leave me.
Kanae was shocked.
Ka- No... I will not love you less. I couldn’t plan a future for me, but I would love it with you. I think it’s the same love as yours. I love your voice, you’re my goddess, but I love you Hina...
Hi- Your goddess ?
Ka- Ah, that’s how I felt before knowing you. Now it’s the wonderful person I know, the amazing you... Hina, do you like me ?
Hi- Yeah. I love you a lot Kanae, and I will keep loving you as long as I can think of.
Kanae blushed and turned her face away. She was sobbing. Hina got worried.
Hi- I’m sorry, did I made you cry ?
Ka- No, it’s just... A chat like that is a lot of heavy feelings... I feel lightened but crushed too somewhere painful... In my loneliness I think...
Hina embraced gently Kanae’s back, getting her head to a shoulder.
Hi- It will pass, take your time. »
Kanae sobbed and grabbed the hand offered on her left. She was soon after resting against Hina. Hina was sitting, Kanae was leaning, her back in Hina’s arms. They stood like that a long time. Sometimes Kanae moved slightly, but that was nearly all. She could hear Hina’s heartbeat sometimes, and that was making her realise a little more what was happening at each time. Kanae was realising, as if she could see for the first time, that a full life form was close to her. More than a name, a voice, or a mere presence around. All of her, Hina, was there with her. A full mind, and also a body, that needed food, sleep, everything like any human. It was normal, but hearing her heartbeat made it somehow more real.
Someone was real, and with her.
Kanae rose her head and sat normally again. Hina was looking at her, waiting for anything.
Ka«- Can I... Listen to your heart ?
Hi- My heart ? Uh, sure...
Hina opened her jacket, showing her shirt. She felt slightly embarrassed to be stared at like that still. Kanae got closer and pushed her hear against the open chest, closing her eyes. Hina held Kanae as she was, half leaning against her. She knew her heart was probably pounding faster then. Kanae heard the heartbeat more clearly along with the natural warmth from Hina.
Ka- I love you...
Hina could not answer immediately. She was feeling a little uncomfortable and understood that was a feeling like that Kanae had to support before, when they arrived there. Thinking about it, Hina could remember something else.
Hi- I remember you telling me that when we met... That was the first time someone told me so. It’s a wonderful memory for me...
Ka- That evening back then, I feared you would find me weird, because I had the same haircut as you, and didn’t found anything to say...
Hi- I could tell you were embarrassed... You had the same haircut ?
Hina could feel Kanae’s smile through the cheek against her tummy.
Ka- Yes... I’m so... So glad, that I had the chance to meet you that day.
Hina was caressing Kanae’s hair without really noticing she was doing it.
Hi- It’s a wonderful and important memory for me...»
~~~~~~~~
Time passed, and when Kanae didn’t needed anymore to hear the sound meaning that the full life of Hina was around her, they went for a little walk around the lake.
They didn’t needed to hold hand, they were just walking slowly. Hina was looking above, Kanae down, but with a slight smile. Hina was feeling stressed because she wanted to talk, and was about to. She started with a heavy voice that would stop trembling later.
Hi«- You know, what I wanted to talk about... The thing that made me, it’s not happy, but I have... Well, it’s a part of me.
Kanae did not said a word, waiting for Hina to tell her.
Hi- It was a few years ago, before I met Hiru. I was living by my father, with my sister Yuki... »
Kanae never thought about Hina’s family before. She was surprised but refrained herself to stop Hina’s talk. It was something apparently very important coming out.
Hina had to take her breath back, but then, she told everything. Everything about her father, and mostly about her sister; and how she lost her. During the course of Hina’s monologue, they had to stop to sit on another bench facing the lake.
Hina’s sister had been everything mattering, before and just after she lost her. She wasn’t sure about how she even survived to that time, but she did somehow, and started to sing afterward.
Speaking about her past, Kanae could see the sad face of Hina that she never saw before. She was revealing the real hardship she had to face, and was still leaving her with everlasting marks.
Reaching the end of her story, Hina could feel Kanae’s hand on her own, and her kind gaze close enough.
Hi«- Thanks to you, I’m more appeased toward Yuki now.
Ka- How ?
Hi- The time when we were apart, before the radio show. It reminded me of the hard time after my sister was gone, when I couldn’t see her again. And then, when I saw you, something in me was kind of liberated. I can find my light at last.
Ka- Do I look like your sister ?
Kanae was asking kindly, wondering if they had something in common for Hina.
Hi- Oh. I don’t love you as a replacement for her, don’t you worry. You are very different, your kindness too are different. But I understood I felt at least as much love for you than I did for her. But things are different, and for you it’s now even more... And I am so glad you feel the same. »
Hina’s persistent gaze upon Kanae’s eyes was troubling her. She was too shy and looked away, but she blushed. They walked a little more, hand in hand in silence, before reaching another sitting spot facing the lake.
Kanae had not said anything for a while, but she kept a soft smile on her lips, because she was somehow happy.
Hi«- How do you feel ?
Kanae knew a short and meaningful answer would be the best, but she answered what she felt right.
Ka- You made me move around a lot more than usual, physically and emotionally... But I feel good, I’m glad you shared that place and these memories with me.
Hina was relieved and couldn’t help herself from kissing Kanae on the cheek. While embarrassed afterward, seeing how much Kanae had blushed made Hina laugh heartily. Kanae mumbled something, shared between amusement and embarrassment.
Hi- I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself.
Ka- You’d better take responsibility for what you did to me...
Hina gently turned Kanae’s head toward her. Hina’s look was too bright, and even if Kanae was looking away, she could still figure her face and large smile.
Hi- I will take responsibility for everything I do to you...»
Hina kissed her with all her might, not allowing Kanae to escape, although she did not seem to try. They loved each other, and wouldn’t let go of each other.
~~~~~~~~
A few weeks later, Kanae was going along with Hina, for her second radio show. Hina was still feeling nervous, but still enough self confident. Kanae’s presence was pushing her forward.
A moment before Hina had to go in the recording room, Kanae grabbed her hands to talk to her, showing a light smile. Kanae kissed Hina before letting her go.
Ka«- I’m happy.
As much for herself than for Hina and her successful work.
Ka- I heard once that being in love does not mean looking at each other, but looking in the same direction... I always love your songs and your voice. Go, sing!»
Hina could only thank her with a teary eye.
They had their light. They were marching side by side, looking forward to a nice future together.
Lussh 18/08/2011
